I haven’t seen any of the Jurrasic Park movies. Just haven’t been interested in them. Until now.
Call it news or call it rumour, but if the following information is correct, I’ll definitely be seeing my first Jurrasic Park movie next summer:
We’re told that the film is about the government who has trained dinosaurs to carry weapons and use them for battle purposes.
Dinosaurs are pretty cool on their own. But missle-launching dinosaurs are one of the Top Three Best Ideas according to a survey of 7-year-olds everywhere.
My female readers may not quite comprehend how it works, but according to Boy Math:
Dinos = 8/10 on the cool scale
Guns = 9/10 on the cool scale
Dinos x Guns = 72/10 on the cool scale
In fact, I’ve got the blueprints for Jurrasic Park IV right here:
Any Eventuality 
I think that actually works out to 17/20 on the cool scale, a mere 85%.
But that can’t be right. Dinosaurs with gun MUST be higher than 85%.
This is why I always did terrible at math in school. The second you bring dinosaurs and guns into the equation, the laws of mathematics become incomprehensible. And I ALWAYS bring dinosaurs and guns into the equation.
[…] not. They’re back, they’re bad, and they’re armed. The good folks at Any Eventuality even have a picture, rated at 72/10 on the Cool Scale. “[Missile-launching] dinosaurs […]
Did you draw that picture or did you commission a professional artist to ‘envisionize’ your intriguing gun-totin’ T-Rex dreams?
I like it.
In conventional math, sure, Dinos x Guns would be 85%, but that’s not how Boy Math works. Note also that it’s 720% of maximum coolness, not 170%. That’s because it’s Dinos x Guns, not Dinos + Guns. In Boy Math the operation is crucial.
Just imagine what Turtles x Ninjas x Mutants x Teenagers would be!
BEA, I can’t believe you’ve never heard of Dino-Riders, the most ingenius, if cynical, toy line ever made (after TMNT).
This is all very well. But have you considered that 50% of all married people in Britain are women? Wait, that joke doesn’t work anymore since the advent of civil partnerships. Also it doesn’t take into account those married people whose spouses are abroad.
Behold! Am I not WEAK PUNCHLINE BOY! See how I ineffectually throw my weak soggy Weetabix fists at your impervious funny bone. NGH! HFF! Take that!
NB. I don’t know how you managed to pull those all night work sessions. I’ve got this paper to write for tomorrow, it’s only 2AM and I’m ready for the broom. Give me tips.
sorry:
8/10 x 9/10 = 72/100 or 18/25 = 72%
I appreciate the help Patrick but I think you fail to appreciate the special rules of Boy Math. Maybe reading the comments would help.
I don’t think this blueprint is from Jurassic Park 4. It seems more like the intructions paper on the Dino Riders Toys. This was a very popular cartoon series at the beginning of the 1990’s. You can see some videos of this cartoon on You Tube. Very cool.
You’re absolutely right, Laru: I did get the image from Dino-Riders instructions as I said in comment #4.
Hey, I recently started reading your blog – thanks for the good work. As an FYI that it’s not showing up properly on the BlackBerry Browser (I have a Tour). Anyway, I am now on the RSS feed on my laptop, so thanks!